November 22, 2016
Pint Pillaging? That’s a Dealbreaker
You already put up with so much for the sake of cheaper rent and shared utility bills. His smelly feet, for example. Her demented cat. The fact that you can never get in the bathroom in the morning. The way he locks himself out of the apartment every other Saturday night at 2 in the morning. And don’t even get us started on the state of the communal kitchen right now.
But you’ve learned to put up with these small annoyances. And you’re succeeding! Well done, you. And yet. There’s one sin that you just can’t overlook: Ben & Jerry’s thievery. Also known as Pint Pillaging. Rampant disregard for the sanctity of your personal ice-cream stash. Criminal activity. Call it what you will, we get it: that pint is precious. So to preserve your sanity, your shared-rent savings, and that tub of Cherry Garcia, we’re gonna let you in on a few secrets. That’s right: these are our favorite places to hide your Ben & Jerry’s from your pint-plundering roommates.
There’s just one caveat: not all of these hiding places are climate-controlled. But hey. We came up with the camo; you gotta come up with the deep-freeze. Deal? Deal. Here goes.
In the Crowd
This one might be tricky, because in order for it to work, you have to hide your chosen flavor behind pints that you don’t like. (Do those exist?) But do it successfully, and your favorite pint will just blend into the background until you’re ready for a spoon.
In the Dishwasher
Come on. You know your roommates’ habits don’t involve unloading the dishwasher. Definitely safe in here (just be sure you don’t run your chunkiest, fudgiest, caramel-packed pints through the dishwasher accidentally).
In Plain Sight
It’s perfectly plausible that those pints are empty. (See comment above about the state of your kitchen.) In fact, start setting the stage for pint-hiding success now by leaving empty tubs around the apartment. Your roommates will get so used to seeing the empties that they won’t even think to check for full ones! But you might want to get a guard dog, just in case…
Buried on Blackbeard’s Island
Map optional. If the pirate’s fearsome reputation doesn’t keep the roommates at bay, the whole rowboat-powered commute thing should do the trick.
In with the Frozen Vegetables
This is one of our top tricks. Have you ever had a craving for frozen peas? No? Us either. This trick works best if you buy a re-sealable frozen-veggie bag, empty it (eating optional), then seal your Ben & Jerry’s inside. But we also encourage playing hide-and-go-seek with the veggies, if your freezer is full enough.
On Your Bookshelf
In your apartment, books are books and roommates are roommates, and never the twain shall meet. Your pint is safe here. (And if you’re really smart, you’ll build a freezer cache behind the books for long-term storage.)
The Sock Drawer
If you happen to be the roommate with the smelly feet, get on it. (Although, gross…)
In the Tool Box
Remember why you keep that one roommate around? Because he knows the handyman’s number by heart. Yup. He’s a keeper! Just be sure to screen any potential roommates for any dangerous DIY aspirations.
In a Disguise
What? Where? Surely not. You wouldn’t be that obvious. (Or would you?)
Under Your Hat
Bringing new meaning to the phrase “keeping it under your hat.” (Bonus: eat ice cream morning, noon and night and you’ll rack up a sweet daily hat trick!)
In an Empty Guitar Case
Non-musical roommates? Check! Rack ‘em up; your secret stash is safe here. And that’s music to our ears.
Did we miss any super-secret hiding places for those sweet, sweet Ben & Jerry’s pints? Did you invent a pint-sized Ben & Jerry’s cooler that will let you take your ice-cream stashes to deep-freeze status? Drop us a line and let us know!
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