10 Utterly Absurd Ways to Eat a Waffle Cone
July 19, 2017
How to get all those scoops of delicious ice cream where they belong — in your belly — is a question that has vexed humankind for centuries.
There’s no wrong way, of course, to eat ice cream, but we think it’s hard to beat a cone for an all-around euphoric experience. There are so many varieties to choose from! But the waffle cone is, of course, the grandaddy of them all. And since we know that you like to get a little wild, next time you dig into a cone, give one of these bizarre eating methods a try:
The Backwards Biter
There’s something to be said about the virtues of starting from the bottom and working your way to the top. Builds character! Here, though, you have to eat your way to the top, which…is absolutely outrageous. Pack extra napkins!
Cup or Cone? Both, Please.
You could have just ordered your ice cream in a cup, but no: that’s not how you roll. You love waffle cones too much to be denied. So here’s to having the best of both worlds! Eat your scoops with a spoon, then enjoy the cone on its own.
The Smooth Sipper
Maybe you’re spoon-phobic. Or maybe you’re just weird. Who knows? Either way, you’re playing a risky game here by letting the ice cream melt into the cone and then using a straw. Sipper, we salute you. And careful with the chunks.
The Hulk Smash
Step 1: Get a big bowl. Step 2: Drop your ice cream cone into it from a great height. Step 3: Grab a spoon and start smashing that cone to bits. Step 4: Mop the sweat from your brow. Step 5: Take a deep breath. And another. Step 6: Eat!
The Keep It Classy
There’s a proper way and an improper way to do things, and frantically licking ice cream as it melts all over your hands and down your arms is most improper. So break out your finest silverware and china and enjoy your cone like a civilized human being. Elbows off the table!
The Chips and Dip
Once you buy your waffle cone, it’s yours to do with as you will. So, technically, nothing and nobody will stop you from dumping the ice cream into a bowl and breaking the waffle cone into tortilla-chip-size portions. Who needs guac and salsa?
Eating an ice cream cone is not for the passive or indecisive. You need a plan! So try out this expert-level strategy: rotate the cone, continuously, while you eat your way down. The benefits are clear: 1. you maintain constant control over your melting ice cream, and 2. you look stylish and awesome. Win-win.
The Magical Unicorn
We are big believers in mythical creatures, but we’ve only heard rumors of this one. You tell us: is it possible to flip your treat upside down into a bowl so that the pointy end of the cone is pointing up, and then eat it without using your hands at all? Pictures or it didn’t happen.
The Escape Hatch
Warning: only those who have achieved a tenth-degree black belt in the art of ice cream eating should try this. All others, move on to number 10. OK, now that it’s just us, here’s the challenge: bite off the very tip of the cone and then try to suck it all out through the hole. May fortune smile upon you, sensei.
The You Sank My Battleship
Think of it as an extreme ice cream float: submerge the entire treat, ice cream and waffle cone together, in a big glass (actually, you might be better off with a bowl) of cola. Then… make sure you have absolutely nothing else to do for the rest of the weekend. Enjoy!
Good luck to all you waffle-coneheads. Let us know if you’ve devised any of your own special ways to devour your favorite treat!
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